There’s breakfast; I like breakfast. I have it a little bit towards late morning, but that’s the way I am. Eggs, bread, maybe bacon, juice or coffee – I wouldn’t call it “the works” but good enough. Sometimes cereal. I’m working, eating my eggs, sipping my coffee, I take a cigarette break and BAM! It’s fucking lunchtime. For everyone else, that is. Not me. I wait it out another hour, why not, I had a heavy breakfast. I’m finally into my pasta (exclusively with Alfredo sauce) – and I don’t mind a bit of bacon thrown in there either. Or, if I’m feeling all desi, I’ll go for a Roghanjosh, maybe lamb chops. I don’t know, I let the mood decide those. Then there’s are two cigarette breaks, time to leave work and BAM! I’m starving again – dinnertime. Same requirements as lunch, except this one is home-cooked and hopefully with the wife and kid. Accompanied by some Cerveza (or two or three) – why not? It’s 10pm, wife and kid asleep, time to watch that movie on TV for 30 minutes, realize it’s too mainstream, pop in one of the Star Wars Special Edition DVDs, just to be ironic (mainstream, did I say?)…. and wait. It first hits me at midnight. Light, nothing serious. I know it can be suppressed for a bit, so I let it pass. I’ll have another cigarette. Plus, I’ll regret the third chilled one. <Beer Burp>. By half past one (we’re talking antemeridian) I’m scurrying around the fridge – rice is over, pasta’s done with, some curry is left. Hmm, should I call BK and order one of them Superstar combos? Should I drive down to the gas station mini-mart and grab me some chow. And then, it hits me. This. Is. Not. Fair.
Insomnia. Some people say they “suffer” from it. Me, not so much. I relish it. My insomnia does me a lot of good – helps me work till late, stay out till late, watch TV till late. I’m a 4-hour-sleep-at-night kind of guy. You know that thing you do called napping? Yeah, that’s my sleeping. The downside is that I can never use fatigue or sleepiness as an excuse to escape from anything. But, you know, I’ve realized that there’s a much larger downside to insomnia than most people think – the hunger pangs.
Now, I know what you’re going to say – midnight snack. Well, fuck off. Midnight snacks are supposed to be had at midnight. I’m talking about 3am here. And I don’t need a snack at that time, I need a full-fledged meal. No one’s thought of one yet, and this is where I come in. A midnight snack is a once in a while mini-indulgence that involves the creation of a light snack using left-over dinner as ingredients; anyone can do that. But, I ask you fellow insomniac, is that really what we want? Why must we be banished into midnight snack-land just because we tend to stay awake longer. And another thing – do the others not see the sheer awesomeness of being able to not only survive, but live graciously on an average of 3-4 hours of sleep each night? Don’t we deserve a meal, in the least? Why should we have to settle for left-overs, or drive off to search for post-disco felafel joints? Why, and I’m actually serious about this, is there no official meal-time – with a name, mind you – for people that actually want four square meals a day. Supper, you say? No, I don’t think so. I’m not in England and it’s not the 70s. I demand a meal in the wee hours, right before I go to bed. Which would be 3:30am approximately, on average. Yes, well, there will be, from now on. May I present – Dawnsy.
Sounds friendly, doesn’t it? Well, it is friendly. It’s a friendly mean just like every other meal. And it’s pronounced don-zie. People can get together for dawnsy. Let’s meet up for dawnsy tomorrow, what? they’ll say. There’ll be dawnsy specials at restaurants. Something that works well between a pasta dinner and an eggy breakfast. Doner Kebabs? Why not? People could mix dinner and dawnsy, much like breakfast and lunch (by the way, brunch has become quite popular, hasn’t it?) and have dawner together. You know, big spreads, buffets, friends meeting up. And you know what else? It won’t be gay for a bunch of guys to meet up for dawner. Also, compared to brunch, it won’t be something you have to wake up for, because you’re already awake. People will plan for it; they’ll be sitting around watching late night movies, receive a call, and decide to meet up for dawner (4am–8am, buffet, all inclusive), and just chat. Regular stuff.
Dawnsy and, in fact dawner, will be a thing. I vote Aye.